How is a Humanist wedding different to a civil or religious ceremony

I’ve talked in a few posts about how a Humanist wedding is different from a civil or religious ceremony from a practical or logistical perspective. We’ve talked about how a Humanist ceremony is entirely personalised to you both, how you will need to complete the legal wording separately and how  your  wedding celebrant is someone who will work with you both as equals to create a ceremony that celebrates your whole selves.

But how is a humanist wedding different in a philosophical sense, how does it feel different to a civil or religious ceremony?

A Humanist wedding is all about you (and everyone important to you)

Well first of all, a Humanist wedding puts everyone involved at the centre of it. That's one of the really key things that I love and value about Humanist weddings, they are about the humans (yes and fur-babies) involved. It's focused on your love and your story.

When you choose to get married in a religious setting, the wedding ceremony is centred on your faith, when you choose a civil ceremony, it's about meeting the requirements of the law of the land and these choices are both valid. In contrast, a Humanist ceremony is centred purely on the people involved, and the people or community that matters to them. Which brings me to…

A Humanist wedding truly reflects and celebrates the diversity of real life!

A Humanist wedding ceremony celebrates your relationship while giving you the opportunity of reflecting and honouring the family or community that you are part of. It also doesn’t make any assumptions about what a community looks like, it doesn’t rely on patriarchal tropes of cis-gendered, hetero-normative families only. It will celebrate friends and chosen families just as enthusiastically and importantly, equally.

As a Humanist Ceremony is not legally required to include specific wording and is crafted a  bespoke ceremony just for you, it is much easier for it to reflect your values and celebrate diversity, not leaning on those hetero-normative or patriarchal tropes that often crop up in civil or religious weddings. 

Lots of the ‘standard wedding wording’ is actually still very traditional, and while not deliberately exclusive, it definitely doesn’t really reflect lots of couples. You deserve a ceremony that fits you both perfectly - no compromises or crossed fingers!

A Humanist ceremony reflects the fact that your story has already begun (and that is a fabulous thing!)

In a religious or civil ceremony there is often a focus on the wedding being the start of your ‘actual’ relationship. This goes back to the first point, where in a religious ceremony your partnership is only considered authentic when acknowledged in the eyes of your faith. Similarly in a civil ceremony, your relationship is only formalised when it is recognised in the eyes of the law. Why is so much emphasis put on external ‘approval’ or sanctioning of your relationship. 

A Humanist wedding ceremony truly centres and celebrates your story so far as equally important to the chapters you are about to write. In fact, a lot of the ceremony that I write as your humanist wedding celebrant actually tells your story and shares that path with your guests. It’s often the bit that guests comment on most positively, because it really shows that the ceremony is entirely yours. 

This element is often especially important to couples who already have children, either between them or from previous relationships, or who have been married before.  In fact, it’s still the case that some faiths won’t even allow you to have your relationship formally recognised if you have been married in the past. 

A Humanist ceremony can sensitively acknowledge that we’ve usually all travelled a journey before we arrive at our current location. It can honour every stop or diversion along the way that has shaped our lives, our families, our communities and our story. This story so far shouldn’t be seen as something to hide away or ignore unnecessarily. 

Ultimately, these three areas can be summed up as saying that a humanist wedding will feel different, because it will feel entirely authentic to you both. It will celebrate and be centred purely on the people involved and the love between them - That's what makes them so feel-good.

If you have any questions or if you’re ready to start planning your unique wedding ceremony with me? Drop me a line and say hello!

Thank you to Claire at Poppy K Photography for letting me share these lovely images! Find Poppy K Photography on Instagram for more!