As you will likely have gathered if you’ve lurked on my Instagram or elsewhere on this site. I am on a mission to make sure everyone can have a feel-good, fabulous wedding day.  I know from personal experience, that your ‘average wedding’ often poses challenges or barriers for some. Making them feel ‘less than fabulous’ or even downright excluded.  Not on my watch! I am determined to banish ableism from wedding ceremonies! 

How to start planning an inclusive wedding

When anyone begins planning a wedding there are lots of decisions to make, ideas to explore and lots of opinions you’ll be faced with. This can and should be an exciting time so enjoy it! There can be times in wedding planning when you need, or want, to make decisions and choices that surprise some or that raise questions. 

This may especially be the case if either (or both) of you are disabled, have a physical or sensory impairment, disability, long term health condition, are Neurodiverse, or struggle with your mental health. 

Here’s the thing - you shouldn’t have to compromise your access, inclusion, psychological safety, comfort or empowerment on any day. EVER. 

I definitely don’t want you to be doing this on your wedding day! 

In this blog, I’m not going to look at specific barriers or specific impairment groups, I will be thinking about these in future. Today let’s look at my top 3 tips for making sure your wedding is not only accessible but makes you feel fabulous!

Top tips for planning an accessible modern wedding

F**K Tradition 

There, I said it!  There is no part of a humanist wedding ceremony that you HAVE to have. If something isn’t going to work for you, if it’s going to cause you discomfort, worry or you just don’t feel comfortable, don’t do it! Seriously, no.

I appreciate this is easy for me to say! I don’t have to deal with the family pressure, the well meaning worries about you ‘missing out’, the less well-meaning declarations on what makes a ‘real wedding’ and let’s be frank here, I’m looking at my fellow suppliers and not just your cousin Barbara twice removed!

This is where your celebrant can really support you. I am a total cheerleader for all couples whatever decisions they make. Your celebrant can be your advocate in empowering you to do exactly what you need and what you want! Making sure your wedding ceremony is right for you!

I didn’t want the hassle of holding a bouquet at my wedding - Oh the stick I got! Please! That was the right decision for me and my access - never regretted it - not once!

Don’t have an aisle if you don’t want one! Have a shorter ceremony to help you take it all in without overwhelm! Hey have no one else except your celebrant and your assistance dogs there if that’s what you want! 

Like I said - F**K tradition. 

Be clear when choosing wedding suppliers

If you know what you need - ask for it and don’t be satisfied with shoddy workarounds! 

I really recommend being upfront from your first contact, explain what you need and ask if they can meet that requirement. Don’t feel you have to share medical details unless you personally find that helpful. It should be enough to say ‘I need to consider access requirements’ or, if you identify this way, ‘I’m Disabled so will require….’ 

I personally found it useful to say ‘I will need to avoid stairs/balancing etc as much as possible while still using the same entrances, exits and spaces as my guests’. 

I found this a really useful way to identify which suppliers ‘got it’ pretty quickly - which leads me to my next point... 

Visit, video call or talk extensively with any potential suppliers where they need to make sure they are accessible for you. For me, this was venues and photographers, but wherever you think a supplier could impact your full enjoyment, celebration and inclusion on the day - make sure you have spent enough time with them to ensure they are fully onboard in making sure you have the best day. 

Of course - your wedding celebrant is definitely on this list - be open with them about anything concerning you or that you want to include or avoid. It is literally our job to create and craft a bespoke, personalised ceremony for you both. This extends to all the movement and ‘choreography’ of the wedding ceremony. 

Your wedding day should be filled with joy and it should start at your feel-good, fabulous ceremony! This is a day where you celebrate you both! Which leads me to...

Your accessible wedding day should make you feel celebrated!

Do not accept the phrase ‘Could you just try…XYZ’  This, for me is right up there with ‘Oh they mean well’! Casual ableism. You do not have to settle for less than what makes you feel absolutely celebrated, not just included and certainly not shoe-horned into a situation where you are made to feel anything less than fabulous.

If you need to have step-free access to your venue make sure you have step-free access, to every area you need and in a way that is empowering and dignified! Would they expect any other couple to have their big entrance to the venue past the bins? No? Thought not! Not OK.  

There are so many genuinely inclusive suppliers across the wedding industry who will work with you as an equal and will be committed to making sure you have the wedding day you want that not only works for you but is so purely about celebrating you both and your love you will not only feel good - you’ll feel fabulous!

Remember - Every single couple getting married will have certain fundamental needs to be met as part of their ceremony and/or wedding. It’s just that some requirements have been normalised and accepted, while others are seen as extraordinary or unreasonable. (Thanks to @ProjectLets on Instagram for this!)

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If you have any questions or if you’re ready to start planning your unique wedding ceremony with me? Drop me a line and say hello!

• Want to read about how we made sure we had a feel-good, fabulous, fully inclusive wedding? **Coming Soon**

• Watch out for future blog posts where I (and hopefully some guest bloggers) will suggest some ideas for making your wedding work for you.

• Want to keep up with my ableism/inclusion musings on Instagram?

Photo by Riz Mooney on Unsplash