Planning a wedding ceremony that feels good if you find mobility difficult

30 Apr

If you’re planning a wedding and need to consider your physical mobility or energy levels there might be some elements of what lots of people consider as ‘traditional’ at weddings that you’re worried about. Or that you are wondering a) if you ‘have’ to do them, or b) Is there a way they can be made to suit you.

A male & female couple sit during their outdoor humanis ceremony

Well - first off, let's tackle the two ‘H’ words shall we...The first of those is ‘Have’...As I’ve said before, with a Humanist (see that second H word!) Wedding, there is NO ‘have to’. Your wedding ceremony will be completely unique to you. You can have a completely personalised wedding that is flexible around you. That being said, there may still be elements you’re still thinking about. Here are some of the most common that I’ve been asked about.

Do you have to have an aisle?

First up - I know lots of people want to include this element in their ceremony and there are lots of ways an aisle entrance can work for you. I’ll come onto these later, but for now, let me say... There is nothing anywhere that says you have to arrive down the aisle unless you absolutely want to.

There are lots of alternatives that can still give you a moment of reveal if you want it. There are also options if you want a more relaxed start to your wedding ceremony.

I’ve created a ceremony where the couple just didn’t feel comfortable making a big entrance, so they were already at the front with me as guests arrived. Have you considered a reverse aisle? In this version, you can be in your ceremony spot before your guests and greet them as they arrive. This has the added benefit of making sure you get to say hello to everyone.

You could also consider a ‘first look’ together before the ceremony. That way, you get a reveal moment together and can then either skip the entrance altogether or what not enter as a couple.

Alternatives to wedding aisles

If you do want to have the experience of entering down an aisle but are maybe concerned by the distance or time, you could think about entering the ceremony space from a different direction to lessen this (if your venue allows) - This is especially easy to achieve in an outdoor ceremony setting that tends to be more flexible.

If you’re considering walking down the aisle and have heard that there is a ‘side’ that they ‘should’ walk - feel able to ignore this! Have the support of their arm on whichever side works for you.

Equally - if you’re thinking you’d like to walk down the aisle but you’d like some more physical support, then why not consider walking with both your parents or with a sibling or close friend on either side. These choices come with added #DisamantlingthePatriachy credentials…!

Using chairs during the ceremony

When you get to the end of that aisle, or once the ceremony is about to start, again there’s no reason you can’t both sit down. Plenty of couples do anyway. This may enable you to conserve your energy, manage your pain and generally do what you need to be able to enjoy and focus on all those meaningful words and beautiful wedding vows. There’s also no need to get up and sit back down again at various points during the ceremony, unless you want to of course

Also a note here on your guests too… You don’t have to have to have the stand up and sit down again either, especially if your guests include people for whom this might be difficult. I make a point of saying ‘I invite those who are able to stand’ as opposed to ‘please stand’ in all the ceremonies I write unless I’m asked to include something specific.

Skip the Wedding Bouquet? Or find an alternative?

Now, you’ve made your plan for your entrance, you might, if you’re anything like me, you might be thinking about how you’re going to hold ...well everything... so let’s think about a bouquet.

Again there is no obligation to have a bouquet or flowers. I personally couldn't be bothered to juggle a bouquet while holding dad's arm/husband's arm/cocktail while walking in a straight line, taking it all in and remembering to slow down so I chose to skip the bouquet (!!) We decided to continue the flower free theme by having giant Lego as our centrepieces. If you like flowers but fear holding a bouquet then here are some alternatives:

A wrist corsage
A pomander (a ball of flowers on a loop or ribbon over your arm)
Lightweight stems or paper flowers (my best girls had funky paper bouquets from Etsy)

Exchange something other than rings Or size up slightly!

There is no UK legal obligation to exchange rings. If you want one there are options. Rings can go on any finger, on either hand. Only British tradition states it's the fourth finger on your left hand.

If you are worried about maneuvering your knuckles, you could have your ring made 1/4 size bigger for ease of putting on and removal - also remember to practice, a wedding rehearsal is a good opportunity for this.

You could also exchange something other than rings; lockets, bracelets, flower crowns! Your celebrant can advise about alternatives.

Or why not choose a whole other symbolic act such as handfasting, sand-blending or a unity candle. Again, chat to your celebrant who can help you choose or create a wedding ritual to suit you both.

There might look like there’s lots to think about here, but ultimately my top tip is always talk to your celebrant and have a rehearsal if possible!

Not all of these tips will work for everyone, not everyone with a physical impairment faces the same barriers - of course! - we are all individuals.

Also, a reminder - I’ll say it every time! Every single couple getting married will have certain fundamental needs to be met as part of their ceremony and/or wedding. It’s just that some requirements have been normalised and accepted, while others are seen as extraordinary or unreasonable.