How to Combine your 'legal bit' with your Humanist Wedding Ceremony - 5 Ideas
One of the first questions I’m often asked by couples is…
“Is a Humanist Wedding legally recognised?”
The answer depends on where you live in the United Kingdom! At the moment, Humanist ceremonies are sadly not legally recognised in England or Wales. They have been recognised in Scotland since 2005 and are now legally recognised in Jersey and Northern Ireland.
There is hope that this will change in the coming year or two thanks to recent legal recommendations to Government.
However! In the meantime, do not despair, you can still have a feel-good fabulous, personalised Humanist wedding ceremony! What it does mean is, you do need to pop to a registry office and say the 'legally prescribed words' in order to be legally married in England & Wales.
“Will our Humanist Ceremony still feel real?”
This is often the next question I’m then asked. The answer is a resounding yes! Your celebrant will create and craft a wedding ceremony that is entirely bespoke to you. While a Humanist wedding can be entirely flexible, that doesn’t equate to it being less meaningful or less ‘ceremonial’. You can go as informal or formal as you like but your celebrant will still make sure that it packs emotion into every moment. You can also choose to include one or more wedding rituals or symbolic acts.
Some couples choose to only exchange rings at their Humanist Wedding Ceremony. Other couples choose another symbolic act, such as tying a symbolic knot in a handfasting, lighting candles, anything symbolic that feels right. Your Humanist wedding can have any readings or music you like. My role as your celebrant would guide you through that and craft the ceremony that feels absolutely right to you both. It will be your ‘real’ wedding.
So how can you balance these two ceremonies? It's worth knowing that you can do this in a way that feels right to you. Here are five different ideas for balancing your ‘legal ceremony’ with your Humanist Wedding:
A Statutory Wedding Ceremony- the ‘Wed-min’ approach
If you want your legal registration to feel like a bit of wed-min as opposed to anything like a ceremony, you can ask your local registry office for a statutory ceremony, sometimes called a statutory legal registration.
A statutory legal registration has to happen at the registry office itself and you do need to have two witnesses. This option is usually around £50 ask for this by name as every registry office has to offer this but you may not see them advertise it. During the registration, you will both say all the legally required words, but you don’t have to include any of the ‘wedding-y’ bits unless you want to. For example there is no obligation to exchange rings. There are a couple of forms the legal words will take, one version is:
I [name] solemnly and sincerely declare that I know of no legal impediment to accepting you [name] as my lawful wedded [husband/wife] / lawful civil partner.
You will also sign a marriage certificate as this is the legal document you require to be legally married. Lots of couples choose to view this as more of a ‘wedding licence’ and then sign a more decorative or meaningful certificate in front of their guests at their humanist wedding ceremony. You can choose to have your statutory legal registration in the days, weeks or even months running up to your Humanist ceremony, or even on the day itself.
A Quick Ceremony followed by Brunch (bottomless or otherwise!)…
Quite often the statutory wedding services or lower priced small ceremony bookings are offered first thing in the morning. So why not get those words said and then head for some Eggs Benedict or avocado tacos with a glass (or three) of fizz!
It’s not something you’re going to do every day, so why not have a little treat and bubbles for brunch is definitely that! ;)
You could do this on a separate day to your humanist wedding or you could always have slightly less fizz and then have your Humanist Ceremony the same day later in the afternoon.
Lunch on the go…
Another way to combine both ceremonies on the same day is to, again, book your legal bit in the late morning (maybe inviting just parents and siblings) and plan to start your humanist wedding ceremony in the early afternoon.
On the day, you dress up in all your wedding finery and head over to the registry office to complete the legal ceremony, before stepping out as a group, grabbing a takeaway lunch and taking a walk to your humanist ceremony venue.
This works especially well for laid back city weddings where venues are within close proximity. If you invite your photographer along in the morning, you’ll be treated to some fabulous photos of all of you on your mid-wedding stroll in your amazing wedding outfits with the regular town or city bustle continuing around you.
You then get to arrive at your next venue, joining everyone you hold dear and have that fully personalised ceremony.
A mini-ceremony mini-break…
Why not head away for the legal ceremony, a bit like a mini elopement. Perhaps you met on holiday by the sea or have fond memories of a certain place. Grab two people you love (Maybe a couple of ‘Team Wedding’) to act as your witnesses and book a ceremony somewhere where you can combine it with a weekend away.
You and your partner must give notice of marriage in your local Register Office, whether or not you wish to marry in that district. But you can then hold that legal ceremony in a Register Office or local authority approved premises in any district.
This way you get to mark that legal moment with a lovely little trip away and come back refreshed and ready for your bespoke humanist wedding.
A few friends, a few words, then Cocktail Hour…
All UK legal ceremonies have to be concluded by 6pm, but in reality, most couples who choose a civil ceremony are going for earlier in the day. Why not book the latest you can (usually around 4:30pm/5pm start time), go along with the friends you’d usually share a vesper martini with and complete the legalities before heading out to your favourite local bar for a cocktail or two.
You can (and should!) still raise a glass and celebrate having your legal ceremony if that’s what you want, it won’t lessen the meaning and feeling you get during your humanist wedding - and besides - you might even make it in time for happy hour, and it will be!
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There are so many ways to combine these two elements of your wedding, until humanist weddings become legally recognised everywhere in the UK. Your humanist ceremony would still feel meaningful whichever you choose. As a wedding celebrant- I’m happy to help you figure out the right plan for you both.
